"The descent

made up of despairs

and without accomplishment

realises a new awakening :

Which is the reversal of despair.

For what we cannot accomplish,

What is denied to love,

What we have lost in the anticipation -

a descent follows,

endless and indestructible."

- William Carlos Willams

Me ? Fuck if that isn't a tough question, I couldn't name a more difficult one. A name is a good way.

Most people know me online as Malgorzata or perhaps Malicious. Either or really.

Melissa.

That's my name - don't wear it out. Melissa or Mel suits me just fine really. That's me right below. I'd spent the day wandering down the river (creek if you want to be rude), catching some sun, wandering around and feeling pretty happy overall. I don't know now if I would say it was real happiness or one of those 'induced' states. Who knows, and this far along the line, who really cares.

I have a lot of people who admire me. They tell me how funny, intelligent, witty and creative I am. I hold my own views on that.. but you'll see soon enough. I've got a nasty habit of just getting a bee in my bonnet. It bites the fuck out my head and words start pouring out. Usually the fucking thing doesn't leave me alone until its felt that its excised enough pain and anger to justify its own rather paltry death. Go figure.

When I do actually 'hold forth' I'll post them up here for people to read - see what they think of the mess inside my head.

Music

Now all over this site you will see lyrics at the top of every page. These are usually portions to a song that I feel is appropriate, or perhaps a quote from a favourite book. Now lyrics means music and music means bands. My music tastes are fairly varied depending on my current frame of mind. Usually if its got gripping or relevant lyrics, I'll like it.

After all , things we can empathise with tend to appeal to our tastes.Nothing is nicer than sitting back with a glass of scotch, and listening to Trent Reznor whine his worries to the world. Or being in a mosh pit and slamming around the to thrashy guitar, heavy drums and screaming of Jonathon Davis of KoRn. Living in Australia, and in Adelaide particularly, we have a lot of great bands here in Aussie land, more specifically bands that give superb live performances. These range from Regurgitator and Powderfinger to SilverChair.

Books

Well my taste in books is even broader. Back when I was a child I didn't have a computer, now every 10 year old in most of the world has the Internet at their fingertips. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big advocate for the Internet and all it contains. You will never hear me say that the world of technology is signalling the end to society. Perhaps it is to society as we know it - but would that be a bad thing ? With the millennium approaching its time for a change. A Revolution. Society is always going through a revolution of some sort. A continual circle of things, music, fashion and cultural trends. But nonetheless, it does upset me that my 13yr old brother Dale, would rather be playing his PlayStation. That my 4 year old brother Dylan can play Spyro the Dragon like a pro, but will probably never read 'The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe'.

For me, as a child, trying to escape the brutality and mundanity of life, books were it. They were cheap, I used to spend hours down at the local library, curled up in a corner reading something - anything. Funny how things change, the local library where I spent so many childhood afternoons is now a Video Store. ~sigh~

The Narnia Chronicles, written by C.S.Lewis were a great influence upon my early years. The thought that these children could step from cold, dreary war-torn London into a magickal realm of fantasy and wonder was amazing. Brilliant, captivating. Not only was the book an escape into another world, it was all based around 'escapism'.

In highschool whilst going through a particularly bad spot in life, I read '1984' by George Orwell. Orwell took paranoia to the next level. The whole idea of a constant 'Big Brother' lurking around everywhere appealed to me. I felt trapped by life, and all it held, I felt trapped by lies and despair. I could just relate perfectly. One of my all time favourite quotes is from '1984' and even as I sit here this night, it springs to mind yet again.

"He who controls the present controls the past.

He who controls the past controls the future..."

- George Orwell, 1984

True isn't it. Very true...I do not control my present, so I most definitely do not control my past. And in that, my future is pre-determined - and inevitable.

Roleplaying

Now Role-playing is a huge part of who I am and what I do. I've been roleplaying for about 8 years now. Given that I am just 21 that's a fair amount of time. Endless weekends and dark nights spent in a friend's back-room or in a basement in the old roleplaying club in town, 'The Guild'. Based in the store owned by two of the nicest adults I have ever met in my entire life. Mr and Mrs George. They run the store GamesQuest. If you are ever in Adelaide, go there and pick something up. Good people like these deserve all the support they can get.

I started my 'illustrious' role-playing career in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. A guy at my school, Michael badgered me and badgered me until I agreed to go along. There I met Michael's role-playing group. Julian, Robert, Anthony and Michael. They were good guys and we had a lot of fun times. Whether it was playing my Elven Blade-Singer or when we later (for a laugh) switched to Marvel SuperHeroes. If you ever want a light afternoon, have a bash at this one.

From there I went to a place called Dragon's Lair. I met a whole bunch of people there, and over the years made a lot of good friends. It was the Guild, that sprang up after the Lair that really shaped my teen years. I played in William's ShadowRun game, moved on to play Vampire with an excellent Story-Teller known as Nat. And started the massive two year crusade playing 'Eleanor', my rather psychotic Were-wolf character. If you want an image of what the crowd was like, and how the social interactions occurred... Well let me try and play it out. At then end of 5 very long years when we all went our separate ways it looked the end of a Melrose Place season finale. Scary isn't it. These people you don't know, but I'll throw up their names anyway in case you ever get to Adelaide. Damien, Kevin, Alison, Josh, Meisha, William, Vinny, Tom, Frank, Doug, Nat, Kylie, Troy (the list goes on)...

I moved on from the Guild and met Tavis and Richard...Tavis played in one of my Werewolf games. I used to run 'Female Gaming Group' (specifically designed to bring in female roleplayers) as well as games for Newbies'. I loved having a whole bunch of brains to tease at and pick and play with.  But nevertheless I met Tavis through one of these Werewolf games, (not that he was a new player..) and discovered we caught the same bus.

It was the longest bus ride of my entire life. I had all of these walls - all of this bullshit. I was so fucked up at the time. I was in a constant haze of alcohol, drugs and pain. A nasty, vicious cycle that seemed to keep going downwards no matter what I did. But I always slapped on a fake smile and ploughed the fuck through with it. A quote entering my head, "What the fuck are you crying for you little bitch?? I'll give you something to fucking cry about!!" (usually followed by a beating). Anyway I am way off fucking track. The point is, this guy (a good looking guy at that) gets on the bus and he sees straight through it. Bang. He just laid it all bare with one remark. I almost balled my fucking eyes out on the bus. But I refused to give him the satisfaction.

Anyways the rest is history, we talked til dawn and I started playing in his Vampire roleplaying group. I met Martin, Darian, Josh and Richard. That was three no four years ago, feels like forever. We still role-play every week too. There's a whole lot of awesome stories both in the game (Ashley " Ah Riley.. you busy??") and from the many drunken get togethers we had... (I dare you!).

Suffice to say, after a sojourn to America, and a proposal over the phone from LAX, here I am now. Engaged to Tavis and "still" living in our grand-parents rumpus room, after the short period of five years. Tavis had this buddy he went through high-school with. Gareth. Gareth had been running as the proprietor of this place online, The GreenDragonInn.

He invited us along,and I went to check it out. My first character was Amarantha Draculesti (now deceased daughter of Malgorzata).   The first three people I met were SoulStealerDei, Rhiannon and RedBishop. We had some awesome times, and I made three of my best friends there. Friends I am glad to say I still have.

After a long sojourn, about eight months, at GDI, I had been helping Administer and run the site for quite sometime. I'd implemented some sweeping changes , done some awesome roleplaying and made more than my fair share of bad decisions and enemies. I decided it was time to move on. I'd stopped having fun a long time ago. And if its no fun, then whats the point ? There is no point. So I left.

Dlangar , previously known as Eradorn, invited me to join him and Zzaryn in working on House Tempest. I was over-joyed. These two people had gained my friendship, my admiration and my trust. Working with them has been an awesome experience. House Tempest is a haven for Role-Players everywhere. With Dlangar's superb design abilities, Zzaryn's marvellous creative touch, I felt right at home. In fact I still do.

So for now, here is where the story ends. Its long enough to be sure. If you want a detailed version, or a blow by blow, take an indepth look into my fiction, because you will definitely find it there.Failing that, hit me with a few questions when I'm into my scotch - you might even be lucky enough to get a straight answer. I'll keep updating this Site, and indeed this page...just like me though, I don't think it will ever be finished...